Nature vs. Nurture

Every tree is different.
Some are tall, strong, and flourishing with many branches of foliage and fruit.
Some are weak, small, and withering with few branches to boast.
Some share a forest, mingling with other trees of all shapes, sizes, age, and color while some stand alone, cold and exposed to the elements.
Of the tallest and mightiest oaks, every branch is a creation in itself with individual beauty and flaws that add to the tree’s strength.
Some branches are broad and strong producing many new branches, offering fruit and welcoming shade, while some remain bare.
The broad productive branches produce life and grant the tree with longevity, though they are not without knots and some less fruitful extensions.
The bare branches, while appearing to be non-contributors, are often the power and support behind the more outwardly productive limbs.
Some branches are lovely and lush, beautiful to the eye while hiding a diseased core that will spread through the entire creature if not cut or treated in time.
Meanwhile, some branches are twisted and broken, hiding that they are the ones who might offer the most fun.
All twist and tangle together while also going their separate ways, never denying the core of why they are connected in the first place.
Some even allow the branches of other trees to intertwine with its own without acknowledging they don’t extend from the same core.
The mighty trunk reigns supreme with all its command and nurturing, never putting thought to hiding it’s imperfections. Instead, it uses them to create homes for other souls.
The tree, as a whole, retains one common bond: this being would never climb to its great heights if there were no roots to do its groundwork.
Still, away from this forest, in a barren field stands that weak and withering tree.
Its branches, few and sparse, are fragile and crumbling, not strong enough to withstand the conditions that a solitary life brings.
Its foliage is brown, breaking with the slightest changes and it offers no fruit or shade.
The limbs are too weak to support themselves, much less each other, and its core is hollow and home to no one.
This tree will fail in time, as its disease and simple lack of command spread to the ground below.
Nothing grows in its presence; nothing is nourished by its unacknowledged gift of life.
All trees are open to disease.
The tiniest parasite, though born of the very same earth, can cause even the strongest trees to fall, but nurture can allow a small seed to never stop growing.

Life with a child who is changing your life

Wise men have said that most of life's joys can be found in the eyes of a child (ok, maybe that was me, but you get the point). 6 years into parenthood, I can definitely attest to that. However, I am met with a challenge that no one ever expects to encounter. I find myself grasping at anything and anyone for insight, for reassurance, for support, for answers in any form. When so much love and joy can be found in those eyes, what do you do when those aren't the only things peering back? What do you do when that sweet baby looks at you and you see illness? When you see struggle? When those 4 year old eyes hold nothing for the longest seconds of your life only to give way to fear? What happens when those eyes won't meet yours anymore? What happens when you just don't know how to help anymore? When your comfort is no longer comforting? Well, I'm no expert, but I can tell you what I've done. First, you get sad and blame yourself for everything. Whether its the vaccinations that he got too many of on your watch, the nights you let him cry himself to sleep (which were only 5 minutes of crying, though it seemed like the whole night), even the drinks you had before you knew you were pregnant. Soon you come to realize that fault really has no place in your current situation, instead, it must be replaced. That space has to now be filled with patience, strength, perserverance, and a type of faith and compassion you never knew existed. It has to be replaced with confidence in your own parenting. It has to be replaced with an absolute inability to accept no as an answer. With the will to fight until you get the answers and treatment your baby deserves. Your next move should be to find other parents to lean on. Ask questions, share answers, and find people who comfort you through their own experiences. The last step, or at least the one I'm on now, is to research your child's education. Talk to those who will be caring for him, share all you can about him so you and your educators have every sliver of information they can to better teach your child. And perhaps the most crucial of all these, and perhaps the simplest: be there. Every day. At school, at home, everywhere. Kiss him when you can, clap for his small victories, encourage new things and new people, challenge him, pray for him, love your husband, teach others (including his siblings) about him, expect everything and nothing at the same time, praise him, teach him about others, have special days with him,have normal days with him, watch him while he sleeps, sing to him, tell him you love him as much as you can and require that he do the same. As parents, we all want basically the same things for our kids: happiness, healthiness, prosperity, success, as little struggle as possible, and perhaps the most tragic, a life better than our own. Some of those things will happen, some won't, but what's most important is to be peaceful through it all. Roll with the punches and remember that struggle makes us into the unique creatures we grow to be and an amazing person is being born from his struggle as we speak.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger" -Friedrich Nietzsche
Thanks for listening. Xoxo- S

Life Lessons

So, I guess I've learned a lot in the last few years. One might say I've grown up. Did a lot of traveling (wink wink Amy) and now find myself pretty grounded, I hope anyway. I entered my 20's happy and young and energetic, just looking for a great time. Now I've entered my 30's happy, energetic, and something that was missing in my 20's:fulfilled. Here are 10 lessons I've learned:

1. My self worth doesn't come from him, it comes from Him.

2. Confidence is very different from blind arrogance.

3. Friendship is a gift, not a given.

4. Children/family are not a job, they are a responsibility that is incredibly rewarding.

5. Art comes in many forms, and all forms are beautiful, gratifying, and pride building.

6. Illness is not the end of the world, it can be the beginning.

7. Church can be anywhere, anytime, in any form. To quote one of my favorite movies: "God don't care what church you go to, so long as you show up.". It doesn't have to be in a building with stained glass and a steeple. It can be in a soup kitchen, a school, even in a letter asking others for change. God is where you look for Him.

8. Children can educate ANYONE!

9. Love is as good as the work you put into it.

10. Being torn down by others for a long time can be a blessing. You learn to appreciate compliments genuinely.

And here's a bonus, cause that's how I roll...
*Taking care of others is the hardest and most underpaid job out there, but the reward gives greater riches than any of us deserve.

So there you go. That's my 2 cents worth for today. Thanks yall! =)

Just Another Day

It’s just another day
Rushing the kids to school
Flustered and bothered
A whole day already packed in before 8am
Turn the radio up to drown the screaming
And an unexpected beam comes from the backseat madness
You’ll hear a tiny voice singing along
Not really words, just a melody
Though you know it’s a song you’d rather he not know the words to
You glance in the rearview and smile at his oblivion
The day isn’t so rough anymore

In your heart you know the day will come
When you don’t have to be anywhere before noon
And a look in the rearview reveals only the seat
But for now
I will relish in that 3 year old voice coming from the carseat
And remember the day will only last as long as it lasts

A New Home

I've never posted any of my poetry, or whatever you want to call these things that spill out of my head. If you like it, I'd love to know, and if you don't, I'd like to know that, too, as long as you aren't mean about it! =)
This isn't a typical one for me, it's very dark and sad. I don't know where it came from! BTW, I'm not depressed! When you open your mind, sometimes it's not just sunshine that spills out! =)

A New Home

Daddy left home when she was just 13
And Mama just drank it away.
She began to see possibility fade from her dreams
And after that, there wasn’t much to say.
She closed the front door with a bag in her hand
Facing the world, knowing her life was about to change.
She fell in with some bad boys as young girls can
And that night introduced her to a new level of pain.
As she started this new life terrified and alone
Dying to reach for any shred of hope,
She began to search for a new kind of home
And the bottle in her hand offered a temporary fix for what broke.
That night, baby girl was baptized by fire
The fire that burned in that little shot of Jack
Alone and scared and ultimately so tired,
But once you end up there, you can’t turn back
She met him years later when both of their lives were a mess
The connection was there but the lines weren’t clear.
Broken by addiction but neither would confess
That their bond wasn’t love so much as fear.
Violence and liquor ruled their lives
And each morning they’d forgive because they’d already forgotten
From this hell, neither would or could rise
And they had no idea they were reaching the end
As he raised his fist to hit her yet again
Her heart was breaking as the bullet left her gun.
She knew there could be no forgiveness for this particular sin
She crumbled to the ground and her life came undone.
That night, baby girl was baptized by fire
By the spark from the gun and her old friend Jack
Alone and scared and ultimately so tired
But once you end up there, you can’t turn back
She was calm and collected, felt nothing, not even anger for him
He had only done what she figured they all do.
Disappointment and pain was what she had come to expect of men,
They were all out for themselves, to hell with you.
She wasn’t shocked by what she had just done,
Only focused and intent on deciding her next step.
Her hands had stopped shaking as she reached for her gun,
Feeling the cold metal, she waited and wept.
Breathe in, breathe out, swallow the last sip,
Close your eyes and block out the noise
Because our hearts break open when no more pain will fit
So breathe in, breathe out, there’s nothing left to destroy.
That night, baby girl was baptized by fire
By the spark of a gun and her old friend Jack.
No longer alone, no longer scared or tired
A new home, and she didn’t want to turn back.

My Story

I just saw a performance by a girl named Shanelle Gabriel called "Vanity" on youtube and was so immediately moved that I just had write. Most of you know my story but for those who don't, I'm going to tell it in honor of the milestones I've hit in the last year. I have been battling Systemic Lupus for 4 years. I started getting sick during my first pregnancy though symptoms were present since my young teenage years. I had 3 miscarriages followed by 2 miserably sick pregnancies. Shortly after my second baby boy was born, my hair began falling out in clumps. I stopped washing my hair because every time I did, more and more fell out. I, too, was vain. I had doctors tell me I need to exercise more, hairstylists tell me I needed more expensive hair products, loved ones telling me nothing was wrong with me, my husband not wanting to face that there might be. I was worried but no one would hear me. I went to my mom when the joint pain became so unbearable, that combined with the hairloss, I was ready to just give up and buy a wig. Finally, my mom, being an RN, recognized the symptoms in me that she had treated in so many sick kids. We immediately hit the Lupus website, only to find that I had ten out of ten possible symptoms. Seeing that my own doctor had ignored my complaints for so long (he began suggesting antidepressants and recommending therapy), I decided to see my mom's MD. We went in, hands in the air, babbling symptoms, begging for an ANA. A few days later, our suspicions were confirmed: I had Systemic Lupus and my bloodwork, in the Doctor's words, was "Scary". He sent me to a rheumatologist and my mom and I were relieved. It was treatable, at least we knew what we were fighting, the demon had a name. After a very short course of very low dose prednisone had no effect, this rheumatologist told me that I didn't have the disease because if I did, it would've been helped by this low dose of prenisone. We went home, broken hearted, yet again. I refused to give up. I knew this disease had a hold on me and I knew that if I didn't find the right doctor to help me, I was going to die. Since I live in the area of Vanderbilt, I located the best rheumatologist they had to offer and sent him an email containing my labs. Within an hour, this doctor contacted me and had me booked to see him very quickly. While he Dr. Sergent has been a Godsend, the years since have not been easy. I've been everywhere from being treated with super high doses of highly addictive pain meds, almost on a respirator, to over 30 hospital stays in 3 years. However, I am beyond happy to say that I've not been hospitalized since February and I am highly involved in many charities. I am also a room mother for my son's kindergarten class, and next year will become PTO President at our school. I have a full head of hair again. I've also rediscovered who I am, rediscovered my girlfriends, rediscovered my children and my commitment to them, and renewed my relationship with my husband. I am happy and healthy and a little vain (Have you seen me lately?=) I am a fabulous woman who happens to be a Lupus Survivor. I'd love to hear from others who share any part of this story. Thanks for everyone's support!
xoxox
Sarah Strasser

Green Our Vaccines

Ok, so I don't claim to be a medical professional or any sort of expert on this subject. But I am a mom, and say what you will, that is an extremely powerful position to hold, at least it SHOULD be. I just watched a program that I usually enjoy but was pushed beyond my breaking point. If you have children and vaccinate them, you are probably aware of what I'm about to unleash, but so be it. I'll write for those who don't. Those of us afraid of vaccines are NOT suggesting we all stop vaccinating our children. At least, I'm not. I want us to be responsible for what we are injecting into our children. Why is there mercury in some of them? If you are told to NOT break into a thermometer and drink up that neat looking silver material, why are we injecting into ourselves and our children? If many, and I mean MANY children have suffered adverse affects from receiving several vaccines at a time, THEN STOP GIVING 8 AT ONE TIME!!! I'm not trying to bring back measles, to quote Jenny McCarthy, "What kind of a**hole would do that?" But we, as parents have the right and the responsibility to make good decisions for our children. Which means, if there are parents who don't want vaccines, you can't make them. Knowing several autistic children, I can understand why you don't want to take that risk, especially on the sibling of an autistic child. It isn't the decision I would make, but I'm not that child's parent. As far as my opinion, what I will do for MY children, I will vaccinate responsibly and I will fight until my last breath for the children suffering from autism. I will work towards making sure vaccines are safe and that is what is meant by "Green our vaccines". While our world is trying so hard to go green, why not here too? Thanks for listening.
Sarah